I have watched people pick a "word of the year" with envy. Because inevitably I always set myself up for failure with "resolutions", so I've never allowed myself to pick a word of the year. This year I decided to change that. Sometime in the last year, I have lot a lot of the confidence I had built up in myself.
It took me a very long time to admit that after having Truett, right at the beginning of the world turning upside down with a pandemic, that I was struggling. I didn't even know myself any more. It was post-partum anxiety. Something I praised friends and patients for admitting and getting help for, but something I couldn't admit to myself. I should be able to just get over it, to pull myself up from my boot straps. But I couldn't. That fact alone was embarrassing to me. Which is crazy, because I would be so proud of someone else in that situation for reaching for help. So I finally did. I will be forever grateful for friends, family and my awesome provider, who all loved me and supported me. With some help from medication and investing time in what makes me feel myself again, I am glad to say I am feeling more like myself than I have in months. I am smiling more, laughing more, playing with my kids more, cooking meals more, reading more, just MORE. The smile I was sporting for a while had someone hiding behind it, now man I am not hiding anymore and that feels good.
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| Sporting the makeup covered face mask...such is life now-a-days. |
Here's to growing in 2021 and finding my confidence again.
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