Just Keep Reading -12.16.18

Soo....it's been WAYY too long since I've been on here.  I really need to take the time to catch up and then keep it going.  But today I was inspired and had to just get these words out of my head.

I woke up and during my morning coffee I was looking through my TimeHop for the day (if you don't have this app, you should, it's so fun to see memories from the years) and I came across a few very different pictures.

The first set was from a year ago today.  Charlie had just found her thumb and game over with the paci.  I have a video and so many sweet pictures of her sleeping with that thumb in her mouth.  What I wasn't quite ready for was the pictures from 2 years ago.  The ones of the 4 at home pregnancy tests, all positive.  The reason this one caught my breath was the day before (2 years and 1 day ago) we had lab work that confirmed that I in fact was NOT pregnant and those 4 test were wrong.  My doctor explained it as a "chemical pregnancy".  Still a term I don't fully understand but something like everything went ALMOST right and my body thought I was pregnant when I in fact was not.  That was a hard day.  That would have been baby #2, which would have had the exact same due date as the baby we lost in January of that year.  I was devastated.   I was luckily surrounded by an amazing husband, friends and family.

The reason I am telling you all of this was after I saw the TimeHop, remembered and was so thankful for God's gift of Charlie to us, Charlie and I got ready and headed to church.  Today's sermon was one for the books.  Kent hit my soul and many others I think as well today.

Just Keep Reading -12.16.18 Sermon

What if God's definition of good is different than yours?

God's definition does not include lack of pain, but it does include:
1.  God's grace and your pain is drawing you closer to Jesus. - God will never misuse your pain
2.  God's grace in your pain is working to make you more like Jesus.

Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

He said we hear this a lot and if we are honest, if we are the person being told this during a difficult time it may seem kinda like a slap in the face.  While I agree with that, it is also so so so true.  After we lost our baby in January '16, I struggled with the "why".  Was it because of me or something I had done?  Luckily I was told by a sweet friend that these things aren't FROM God, they are a part of the broken world we live in.  Kent went on to say this very thing.  God doesn't allow pain without a purpose.  PURPOSE not REASON.  He explained they are two very different things.  With reasons we always consider how we can fix things or why did this happen? Purpose is the fact that God will bring good out of every situation his people go through.  I had to stop trying to assign a reason and figure out the purpose.

He went on to say how the biggest question is how we live between verse 22 and 28.

Romans 8:22 - We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.

This got me thinking - how did I live between 22 and 28?  Well, not how I would like myself to live now.  I think that I grew from the experience, but in the time I did not handle it well.  I lost a piece of faith.  Faith that God's plan was perfect.  Faith that it would be for good.  Faith that I didn't do something wrong (see - reason not purpose!).  Faith.

I hope that if I walk a path similar that I now will walk it differently.  To Just Keep Reading, just keep going and believing and knowing that HE IS GOOD ALWAYS.

We ended the service with this song.  It has hit me in the gut every time I have heard it lately and maybe it's because I want to come and be used and walk with a bigger faith than I have had in the past.

Make me Your vessel.  Make me an offering. Make me whatever you want me to be.
I came her with nothing but ALL that you have given me. Jesus, bring new wine out of me.

In the crushing
In the pressing
You are making
New wine
In the soil, I
Now surrender
You are breaking
New ground (hey)
You are breaking
New ground

So make me Your vessel
Make me an offering
Make me whatever You want me to be
I came here with nothing
But all You have given me
Jesus, bring new wine out of me
Jesus, bring new wine out of me
Jesus, bring new wine out of me

'Cause where there is new wine
There is new power
There is new freedom
And the kingdom is here
I lay down my old flames
To carry Your new fire today (oh today)

So make me Your vessel
Make me an offering
Make me whatever You want me to be
God, I came here with nothing
But all You have given me
Jesus, bring new wine out of me
Jesus, bring new wine out of me
Jesus, bring new wine out of me